


adrenaline

by jingi



Category: EXO (Band), SHINee
Genre: M/M, selfcest (sorta)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-21 01:01:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6032434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jingi/pseuds/jingi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>scenario: the selfcest concept in that one taemin teaser pic carries over to the mv and jongin acts as taemin's double in both cases. jongin isn't taemin, but sometimes he can be close.</p>
            </blockquote>





	adrenaline

**Author's Note:**

> i kept seeing ppl tweet abt those uptown funk lyrics and how taemin took them seriously.. i wanted to put it in somewhere but it's just Too Much  
> i can't believe this selfcest teaser is a real thing i'm sry if this selfcest isn't sufficient  
> i've been screaming at my own ass for the last three hours n i hate myself fuck you lee taemin

he tried to convince himself that this wouldn’t be that different from another day with jongin in a practice room. but taemin’s never been that good at convincing himself. 

the teaser image photoshoot was strange enough. at first it had started out like any other photoshoot, almost like deja vu with the w shoot of him, jongin, and soojeong, because jongin was still in the chair next to him as makeup brushes skimmed their cheeks and stroked their eyelids. it was still normal enough when jongin sat in a chair and taemin stayed standing as they waited for the photographer to tell them how to pose.

it started truly feeling strange when they were told to get closer. of course they had known the concept already, but it hadn’t been completely explicit. they didn’t know how much space would be left between their faces, how much of each other’s breath they would be able to taste. taemin was close enough that he could count jongin’s eyelashes and feel jongin’s warm breath on his cheeks, but apparently that wasn’t close enough. closer and closer until taemin’s eyes were closed even though he didn’t remember shutting them, his hand gripping jongin’s shoulder to keep himself from falling. he doesn’t know who started it, but suddenly his lips brushed jongin’s for the slightest moment and taemin faltered, almost losing his balance. 

it’s not that different, is it? he and jongin have done this before. when jongin fell asleep on taemin’s shoulder at four am in a practice room, and taemin didn’t hesitate to pull him closer. when they were backstage at a joint show and jongin had pulled him into the shadows and kissed his nervousness away. but this felt like a confession and a public one at that. taemin likes the shadows and the quiet, only revealing certain secrets to the public eye, and jongin wasn’t one of them.

taemin doesn’t know how long they had to pose together, so close yet keeping distance, while the flash of the camera blasted them repeatedly. finally it was over, and taemin locked the two of them in a spare room with his shaking hands so that he could climb into jongin’s lap and calm his nerves with the feeling of jongin’s skin on his and finally eliminate all distance between their lips.

 

he’s a little disappointed when the edited version comes out and jongin’s features have turned into his own. but there’s another thrill in his chest that’s visited before but taemin hasn’t fully acknowledged yet. it’s just a picture, he tells himself. it’s just another way for the company to sell you. it’s just a concept, not reality.

 

then there was the music video. the atmosphere wasn’t quite the same as the photoshoot’s. there’s two people taemin has to interact with this time: jongin again, but also himself. 

jongin’s his double again, but they won’t edit over him so much. he’ll be more like taemin’s alternate self, or an altered shadow of taemin. when a stylist tests tying the blindfold over jongin’s eyes, taemin’s fingers itch to try it himself. 

he could feel everyone’s eyes on him, especially jongin’s, as he danced his solo parts. again, it shouldn’t have been too different. how many times had he practiced in front of mirrors long into the night? but at those times he hadn’t had to press up against the mirror and interact with his own reflection, and there weren’t several cameras capturing his own expressions of narcissism. the glass is cold against his hands and even colder against his lips, but his skin still feels hot. that thrill has returned again, that realization that he’s the one who best understands himself and the rush that comes with giving himself his best performance. he’s the only one who can guarantee himself attention, and the satisfaction that results from serving as his own source of energy is overflowing. he’s used to performing by himself; performing with himself is a new type of adrenaline.

jongin joins next. it almost feels like two different dances: for one phrase, jongin really is like his shadow and taemin, focused on his own performance, barely notices his presence; then it’s time for taemin to acknowledge jongin by running a few fingers down jongin’s chest or nearly caress jongin’s cheek. when they’re dancing, taemin can’t pay as much attention to jongin as normal, but it might have the desired effect; in the blur of movement and the disguise of the blindfold, jongin’s jawbone really is similar to taemin’s, and his lips resemble taemin’s in the mirror. he knows it’s jongin, but it’s also an extension of himself, and time flows by quicker than he expected. soon the shoot is over and everyone’s clapping taemin and jongin on the back. they bow without thinking, and then taemin makes some forgettable excuse, distracting everyone and himself until he and jongin get out of the taxi and run up the stairs to the apartment.

jongin barely has time to lock the door for him before taemin hurriedly ties the blindfold he’d stolen back around jongin’s head and pushes jongin down into a sitting position. it’s always better when taemin’s on his knees and leaning down to press his mouth against jongin’s. especially like this, when he’s receiving warm touches but it looks like he’s kissing himself; that power surges through his veins again, and he hopes jongin won’t mind the bruises that will form on his neck tomorrow. 

“you love me, don’t you?” jongin whispers, and taemin breathes a yes into the open mouth that looks so much like his own. it’s never been a lie. taemin can love more than one person, even if that includes himself. for now, that secret is his.


End file.
